Thursday Thought for Parents 12.17

Last week I started providing questions so that you can work through Bob Kauflin’s outstanding parenting message, “The Pastor and His Older Children.”  In my care group this past week, we covered the section entitled “Focus on the heart – yours and your teens.”  It runs from 22:00 – 59:00 in the recording.  (You can download the message here.)

I would encourage you to review that section and then discuss the following questions with your spouse:

1. What was encouraging or helpful to you from this section?  How was that point helpful to you?
2. Bob reminded us that our hearts are inherently deceived about ourselves (see Heb 3:13), including our parenting, and that makes it imperative that we not hide struggles or challenges we’re facing in our parenting.  Is there anything in our parenting (or any situations with our children) that you’ve been tempted to hide from others?  I.e. – any issues that you are hesitant to share with others?  If so, what?  Why do you think you have been hesitant to share that?
3. In focusing on our own hearts, Bob points out how Col 3:21 (“…do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged”) implies that we can parent in a way that provokes and discourages our children; for instance, we can say the right things in wrong ways.  What are some ways that I am (or might be) provoking our children, tempting them to discouragement?  What heart-level issues (what I’m thinking, wanting, craving, worshiping) in your own heart might be leading to that pattern of provoking?
4. Bob mentions that an awareness of the heart should cause us to excel in encouragement rooted in the gospel.  Given that, what are our children more aware of: our encouragement or our correction?  (Please ask your children that question to find out what they would say.)

Grateful for you!

Tab

Thursday Thought for Parents 12.10

Yes, I know; it’s shocking… a blog post!  I admit that I’m not much of a blogger. I had hoped this blog might serve as a vehicle for both communication and care.  So far it’s been a regular venue for communication but not much care.  In hoping to extend more care and help, I wanted to let you know about a message by Bob Kauflin entitled “A Pastor and his Older Children.”  We’ve been covering it in my care group, and it is an outstanding message!

It’s a message I would recommend for all parents, and not just pastors.   You can download it here.  Click here for the outline.

To serve you in applying the content of this message, I thought I would give you (this week and in the coming weeks) the questions we’ve used to discuss this message in my care group.  We’re covering this message by sections, and the first section is entitled, “Parent with God in the Picture” (time markers 3:15 to 22:00).  Consider listening to that section and then discussing with your spouse the following questions:

1. What are some ways you see God at work in our parenting?  How are you encouraged by seeing His work in that way?
2. Bob said that one of the main issues is that we forget that God is in the process of parenting.  Is there a way (or an area) in which you frequently forget that God is at work in our parenting?  If so, please explain.  How does forgetting his work in that way affect your parenting or how you relate to our children?
3. Bob notes that keeping God in the picture cultivates a fear of God (point A.).  Given that, are there ways you find yourself motivated by the fear of man in your parenting?  If so, what else do you think that might be revealing in your heart?
4. Bob quotes Charles Bridges who wrote, “It is faith that enlivens our work with perpetual cheerfulness.  It commits every part of it to God, in the hope, that even mistakes shall be overruled for his glory…”  Where in our parenting is there a pattern of “perpetual cheerfulness”?  Where in our parenting do you typically lack “perpetual cheerfulness”?   How can we pursue others to help us cultivate faith for that area?

With you in this holy task of parenting!

Tab

Thursday Thought for Parents (5.14)

I hope you’re doing well and enjoying God’s grace today!  I just wanted to send you a reminder about our six14 parent-youth meeting this Saturday night.

We’re going to be finishing our “My Peers” series by talking a bit about how to think about and relate to those of the opposite gender.  In talking with some parents, I know that this is a very real issue for some and for others it’s not even on the radar.  That’s why I wanted to give you a heads up about this topic.  I won’t say anything that would be inappropriate for middle schoolers, but I do want you to use your discretion as to what would best serve your youth.

In terms of content in the message, I’m planning to hit the following:

• issue is not terminology – i.e. dating vs. courtship
• issue is applying God’s word to relate appropriately (explaining what that looks like)
• then discuss relating wisely, appropriately now… in brotherly/sisterly care, etc.

However, I do want to invite all parents to attend who might be served by thinking further on this issue, even for the future.  If so, then please come join us as well.

Hope to see you soon!

- Tab

Coming Soon to “Thursday Thoughts”

I know that I’ve been very infrequent about posting any “Thursday Thoughts For Parents” – sorry about that!  Starting next week my goal is to begin working through another book on a weekly (or close to weekly) basis.  The book is Get Outta My Face! by Rick Horne.  I believe we have this book in our book-store now; if not, you can certainly find it online.  I would recommend the book, and I would encourage you to consider picking up a copy and reading along with me.

Here’s Dave Harvey’s endorsement of the book, in case this helps to whet your appetite:  “Rick Horne knows teens – the kind that won’t talk and those that won’t stop talking.  If you have a teenager, you need this book.  In fact, don’t wait for the teen years!  Arm yourself now with the timeless truths from this book that counsels moms and dads with gospel hope for teenage trials.”

Hope to have you reading along with me!

Tab

Thursday Thought for Parents (2.5)

For this Thursday Thought, I want to provide you with a book recommendation: Get Outta My Face! by Rick Horne.  I was skimming it earlier this week, and you might want to order one for yourself.  It’s subtitled “How to reach Angry, Unmotivated Teens with Biblical Counsel.”  You may or may not have an “angry, unmotivated teen” (let’s thank God if our teens are doing well!), but all of us can benefit from Mr. Horne’s helpful advice.  The book is essentially a very practical guide for building relational and conversational bridges in the midst of hard conversations with our teens.

The preface gives you a feel for what the book is all about:   “Far from dismissing or sugar-coating sin, this approach opens wide the door to evangelizing the unsaved teen and to helping the Christian teen grow in holiness and wisdom.  This book will teach you how to build a bridge to young adults on the basis of ways in which their desires and actions reflect the image of God and the blessing of common grace.”

The book is focused on the practical side of these conversations, and not on the heart.  You’d want to read this alongside of a book like Age of Opportunity or War of Words, so that you don’t miss the vital biblical category of the heart – the source and reason why our conversations with each other are difficult at times.  Nevertheless, I’m helped by pragmatic books like this as well.  When I read something along these lines, I look for one or two helpful take-aways that might adjust how I’m approaching a particular issue.  I also find that anytime I’m reading a book on parenting I’m helped because it brings the issue of parenting back to the forefront of my attention.

If you’ve ever had a hard conversation with your teen (and who hasn’t at some point?), then this book could help you at a very practical level.

With you in this holy task!

- Tab

Thursday Thought for Parents (1.30)

In our most recent six14meeting, I recommended that all parents consider using the book Worldliness in their discipleship of their teens.  Worldliness includes contributions from C.J. Mahaney, Bob Kaulfin, Dave Harvey, Jeff Purswell and Craig Cabaniss on very practical topics like media, music and clothes.  Each chapter also has a set of discussion questions that target the mind, heart, and life (provided at the end of the book).  Parents, I’d encourage you to make this book part of your family library and to read and discuss it with your teen.  You can pick up a copy at the resource center on Sunday, or you can order it online.

Thursday Friday Thought for Parents (1.23)

Sorry, friends, for being slow with these Thursday Thoughts; they’ve often been on Friday, or not appeared at all!  Here’s the good news though – I found the whole discussion guide for Thoughts for Young Men online.  One of our related churches had it posted as a resource for youth and parents.  You can download it right here.

Again, I would encourage you to consider utilizing this resource.  There are many good resources out there, but this is certainly something of a time-tested classic – and there aren’t many of those out there!

Because you’re getting the whole thing, I’m looking for ways to serve you (parents and youth) with our Thursday Thoughts.  Please send a comment with your suggestions; I would love to hear them.  My goal here is just to serve you any way I can.

Grateful for you!

Thursday Friday Thought for Parents (12.12)

I want to deviate from the Thoughts for Young Men study guide.  I’ll be sure to post more installments soon, but I thought it might be more helpful to you to have the link for the message we listened to in Age of Opportunity recently.  For me, Kenneth’s modeling and CJ’s interview of Kenneth are very much worthy of review.  I have probably listened to this message three times (if not four) and each time I think I learn more.

This modeling and interview were done before both parents and youth, so you could certainly listen to this with youth that they might benefit as well.  Click here for the message.

I include this because it’s so very important that we create contexts for this kind of intentional discipleship to take place in any ongoing way.  Let me encourage you to re-listen to that message (perhaps with your youth) and benefit further.

In addition, below you’ll find the questions I gave out in our six14 meeting last Saturday for your youth to pursue your wisdom and help.  As parents, we will likely need to help our youth cultivate a practice of pursuing our wisdom and help in these ways; these questions can help you as you help them cultivate such a practice.

QUESTIONS FOR TEENS TO ASK PARENTS

• Where do you see me growing in my relationship with the Lord?  Where do you see God at work in my life?
• Based on my conversations and enthusiasm, what would you say I most passionate about? Do you think my priorities reflect Matthew 6:33, that I am seeking first the kingdom of God in my life?
• In what specific ways would you encourage me to make my relationship with God the highest priority in my life? How would you recommend I pursue growth in my relationship with God?
• Have you observed any patterns of sin in my relationships with friends, my relationship with you, or my pursuit of the world that you have been trying to bring to my attention? How well do I respond to you, when you try to bring these questions/concerns to me?
• As you observe my life, is there one particular area that you would say I need to grow in? Can you please share with me examples of where you have noticed this and also help me with a plan to change?
• On a scale of 0-10 (10 = humble and diligent, 0 = independent and defensive), how diligently and humbly do I pursue your correction and counsel? What kind of questions should I be asking and what situations would you like to see me pursuing you regarding any area in my life?
• Do you think that I value your wisdom more than my friend’s opinions? Can you share with me examples of how I am valuing my friend’s opinions too highly? Can you share with me examples of where I am appropriately valuing your wisdom more than my friends?
• Do you have any concerns for me in regards to my choice of companions? Where do you see me being influenced and where would you see me being an influencer?
• How would you describe my attitude toward your authority? In what ways have I grown in showing you and mom my respect? In what ways would you like to see growth in the area of honoring and respecting my parents, and/or other authorities in my life?
• How can I grow in serving the family? Is there one person in the family (dad/mom/sibling) that I need to be more intentional with in regards to serving?

Grateful for you and this opportunity to walk together in parenting!

Thursday Thought for Parents (12.4)

Last week I started to post an adaptation of a study guide for Thoughts for Young Men by JC Ryle (which would apply equally well to young woman!).  The study guide that I’m adapting was written by Bob Hoover for his son and initially used when his son was 12 years old.  I would encourage you to consider using this (or some other) resource to create an ongoing context for intentional discipleship of your youth (see post from last Age of Opportunity meeting).

In doing so, I would recommend you start with a relational time of just enjoying being together and talking about whatever comes to mind: sports, current events, life in general, etc.  Then I would transition to this study, having had the youth answer the questions in advance.  I would also want to make sure I drew them out about current challenges or temptations they are facing – prioritizing their care over the coverage of the content of the pamphlet.  A resource like this can be a wonderful spring-board into more substantive fellowship together.

So here are the questions for chapter 2:

1. What does Mr. Ryle say is the first special danger facing young men?  What are some reasons why he is so concerned about this danger?
2. How does pride in a young man express itself toward an older person or parents?
3. Write out two verses mentioned about how Jesus displayed humility.
4. What is the second danger facing young men?  What aspects of youth tempt a young man to be given to pleasure?
5. What does 1 Pet. 2:11 say lusts of our flesh will do (quoted by Mr. Ryle)?  What do you think that means?
6. What is the third danger?  What will happen if young men don’t reflect on the end of their present course and ways?
7. What do many young men say when they run into sin, and why do they say it?
8. What is the fourth danger Mr. Ryle mentions?  What does it mean to have contempt for religion?
9. What does the author state he is “… never surprised to hear…”?
10. What is the fifth danger facing young men?  What does Proverbs 29:25 say about this danger?
11. Mr. Ryle tells us to “consider how unreasonable the fear of man is.”  Share one way why it is unreasonable.
12. What has affected you the most from this chapter?  What would you like my help in applying to your own life?

Thursday Thought for Parents (11.27)

As I promised last week, I’m going to start putting up here on the blog an adaptation of a study guide for Thoughts for Young Men by JC Ryle (which would apply equally well to young woman!).  The study guide that I’m adapting was written by Bob Hoover for his son and initially used when his son was 12 years old.  I would encourage you to consider using this resource to do what we talked about in our Age of Opportunity meeting last Saturday; create an ongoing context for intentional discipleship of your youth (see post from last Tuesday).

In doing so, I would start with a relational time of just enjoying being together and talking about whatever comes to mind: sports, current events, life in general, etc.  Then I would transition to this study, having had the youth answer the questions in advance.  Having them do so would allow me to selectively drop into certain issues that I wanted to help them apply in a particular way.  I would also want to make sure I drew them out about current challenges or temptations they are facing – prioritizing their care over the coverage of the content of the pamphlet.  Resources like this can be a wonderful spring-board into more substantive fellowship; that’s how I would think about it personally.

So, here goes… I hope this is helpful!

PREFACE

1. What scripture verse does Mr. Ryle use as the purpose for writing this book?  (Write out scripture and reference.)
2. What does this verse exhort young men to be?  What do you think that means?  How might that apply to your life right now?
3. Though growing old as he wrote this, what time period does Mr. Ryle remember so well?  What does he remember about it?
4. What would you like to look back on and remember for this time of your life?

CHAPTER 1

1. What is the first reason Mr. Ryle gives for exhorting young men?  What does he say about these ‘few young men’?
2. What is the second reason the author gives for exhorting young men?
3. When do most young people plan on thinking about preparing for death and judgment?  Based on Prov. 27.1, what mistake are young people making when they think this way?
4. What is the third reason for exhorting young men?
5. How is a young man deceived when thinking about serving God at the end of his life?  How is God mocked by this deceptive reasoning?
6. What does Mr. Ryle mean by the force of habit?  What is meant by ‘habit is the nurse of sin’?
7. What is the fourth reason for exhorting young men?
8. What are some of the devil’s tactics to snare young men and make them his servant?
9. What exhortation does Mr. Ryle repeat at the end of numerous paragraphs that a young man must take to heart (pp. 14-15)?  What does he mean by this?
10. What is the fifth exhortation by the author?  What are some of the sins of one’s youth that he mentions?
11. What are the three ‘bitter cups’ that Mr. Ryle mentions that old men ‘drink’ in the latter hours of their life?  How does that affect you in reading about those?
12. What has affected you the most from this chapter?  How you would like my help in applying that point to your life?