Age of Opportunity – This Saturday!

Hi, everyone…  Just a reminder: we’ll have an Age of Opportunity parents’ meeting at my house this Saturday night (beginning at 7:30 p.m.).  We will continue with the “Reasonable Expectations” message series, but now the series shifts into a lengthy interview with CJ and Carolyn Mahaney, along with two of their daughters.  The interview provides very helpful, practical instruction for parenting in the teen years.

I think you’ll benefit from this interview, and I look forward to being with you!

Tab

End-Times Parenting for a New Year

I hope you had a great Christmas!  As we look ahead to a new year and the privilege of parenting for another year, I thought the following might be of help and encouragement to you.  It’s Russell Moore writing on what he calls “The Eschatology of Parenting.”  If eschatology is a new term for you, it essentially means the study of end-times.  Mr. Moore here reminds to parent with eternity in mind; I hope you enjoy!

Yesterday I helped a toddler clean up a 44 ounce cup of Coke Zero he’d spilled everywhere (yes, it was mine; and no, there were not 44 ounces left remaining in it when he found it). I answered forty questions about whether Jesus made Lego blocks (so stay tuned for my new sermon series on “The Logos and the Legos”). And I disciplined a tantrum thrower and a sulker.

All of that was about the end times.

When we think of Christian eschatology, we tend to think first of prophecy charts or apocalyptic novels, but nothing is more eschatological than parenting.

A parent disciplining a child, for instance, communicates to the child the discipline and judgment of God in ways deeper and more resonant than any Sunday school lesson (Heb 12:5-11). A parent who will not discipline a child for disobedience, or who is inconsistent in doing so, is teaching that child not to expect consequences for behavior.

In short, a parent who will not discipline is denying the doctrine of hell.

At the same time, a parent who disciplines in anger or with harshness teaches a judgment of God that is capricious and unjust. An abusive parent, worst of all, ingrains in a child’s mind a picture of God as a ruthless devil who cannot be trusted to judge justly.

Parental discipleship and discipline ought always to have repentance and restoration in view, picturing a God who is both just and the justifier (Rom 3:26). Discipline should be swift and fair with quick reconciliation between parent and child. Long periods of “time out” do not communicate the discipline of God; they communicate the isolation and exile of hell.

Parents who spend time with their children, especially at meals, demonstrate something of the harmony they want their children to long for beyond this life. It’s a longing to eat at another Father’s table in the kingdom of Christ.

Moreover, we should teach children to respect and acknowledge authority, attributes necessary for citizens of a democracy for a short time, yes, but more necessary for subjects of a kingdom forever. Teaching children to refer to adults as “Mr. Smith” or “Mrs. Jones” or “Pastor Doe” and to say “sir” and “ma’am” (or the culturally equivalent signifiers of authority) is about more than politeness. It is training children to recognize proper hierarchy and authority when the veil is lifted and we see face to face.

Those of you who are parents probably grow weary and discouraged sometimes. I know I do. It seems as though you’re not “getting through” sometimes, that your children aren’t responding the way you thought they would. Keep hugging. Keep kissing. Keep chastising. Keep teaching. This is a long-term project. You’ve got a long-term project in front of you. And there’s a lot at stake.

After all, parenting isn’t about behavior modification. It’s about Christian eschatology.

Russell D. Moore is a pastor, theologian, and author.

Teens & Technology

I’m going to be on vacation (and so is Andrea), so we’ll have a hiatus on the blog for a bit.  But I thought you might have interest in this link.  It’s for an excellent message by Kenneth Maresco to parents and youth regarding technology, and the website Facebook in particular.

His points are this:  everything has changed (with the rapid pace of change in technology) and nothing has changed (with our hearts).  Please let me know if you have questions on this important issue, or if I can serve you in any way whatsoever.

I hope you have a very merry Christmas!

Grateful for you,

Tab

Thursday Friday Thought for Parents (12.12)

I want to deviate from the Thoughts for Young Men study guide.  I’ll be sure to post more installments soon, but I thought it might be more helpful to you to have the link for the message we listened to in Age of Opportunity recently.  For me, Kenneth’s modeling and CJ’s interview of Kenneth are very much worthy of review.  I have probably listened to this message three times (if not four) and each time I think I learn more.

This modeling and interview were done before both parents and youth, so you could certainly listen to this with youth that they might benefit as well.  Click here for the message.

I include this because it’s so very important that we create contexts for this kind of intentional discipleship to take place in any ongoing way.  Let me encourage you to re-listen to that message (perhaps with your youth) and benefit further.

In addition, below you’ll find the questions I gave out in our six14 meeting last Saturday for your youth to pursue your wisdom and help.  As parents, we will likely need to help our youth cultivate a practice of pursuing our wisdom and help in these ways; these questions can help you as you help them cultivate such a practice.

QUESTIONS FOR TEENS TO ASK PARENTS

• Where do you see me growing in my relationship with the Lord?  Where do you see God at work in my life?
• Based on my conversations and enthusiasm, what would you say I most passionate about? Do you think my priorities reflect Matthew 6:33, that I am seeking first the kingdom of God in my life?
• In what specific ways would you encourage me to make my relationship with God the highest priority in my life? How would you recommend I pursue growth in my relationship with God?
• Have you observed any patterns of sin in my relationships with friends, my relationship with you, or my pursuit of the world that you have been trying to bring to my attention? How well do I respond to you, when you try to bring these questions/concerns to me?
• As you observe my life, is there one particular area that you would say I need to grow in? Can you please share with me examples of where you have noticed this and also help me with a plan to change?
• On a scale of 0-10 (10 = humble and diligent, 0 = independent and defensive), how diligently and humbly do I pursue your correction and counsel? What kind of questions should I be asking and what situations would you like to see me pursuing you regarding any area in my life?
• Do you think that I value your wisdom more than my friend’s opinions? Can you share with me examples of how I am valuing my friend’s opinions too highly? Can you share with me examples of where I am appropriately valuing your wisdom more than my friends?
• Do you have any concerns for me in regards to my choice of companions? Where do you see me being influenced and where would you see me being an influencer?
• How would you describe my attitude toward your authority? In what ways have I grown in showing you and mom my respect? In what ways would you like to see growth in the area of honoring and respecting my parents, and/or other authorities in my life?
• How can I grow in serving the family? Is there one person in the family (dad/mom/sibling) that I need to be more intentional with in regards to serving?

Grateful for you and this opportunity to walk together in parenting!

six14 Recap (12.6)

It was great being with you last Saturday night; thanks for coming and participating as you did!  As a recap, we finished our “My Parents” series with the third message addressing the issue of honoring parents.  In this message we sought to remind the youth to give weight to a parent’s wisdom by pursuing their parents.

My manuscript for the message (I don’t follow it exactly when speaking, but you’ll gist) is posted here.   Below you’ll find the discussion questions and fellowship points as well.  Parents, please consider using the fellowship points as an opportunity to continue the conversation with your youth on this topic.  It’s a great joy to labor together in this holy task of parenting!

DISCUSS – with your discussion group

1. What are some ways it can go well for you as you honor your parents with humility?    Give some examples when you’ve seen it go well for you in this way.
2. What can tend to hinder you from pursuing your parents’ wisdom and help?   How would God have you think differently about that hindrance?
3. For what situations or areas of your life do you need your parents’ wisdom and help right now?  Have you been pursuing them for their wisdom and help?  If so, how?  If not, how will you begin to do so?
4. How does the gospel give you hope and help for this area of your life?  Please explain.

APPLY – in fellowship with your parent(s)

Suggested fellowship points to continue the conversation…

• The Encouragement Point (for parents to ask):  As your parent, the areas where I’m most encouraged about your honoring of me are… (Be as specific as you can.)
• The Application Point (for parents to ask): Where do you most need my help and care in your life right now?  Where do you most need input and wisdom from me?  Let’s talk about how I can help you further in those ways…
• The Input Point (for youth to ask):  As my parent, what is the main way you’d like to see me grow in honoring you?   What observations and help would you have for me?

Thursday Thought for Parents (12.4)

Last week I started to post an adaptation of a study guide for Thoughts for Young Men by JC Ryle (which would apply equally well to young woman!).  The study guide that I’m adapting was written by Bob Hoover for his son and initially used when his son was 12 years old.  I would encourage you to consider using this (or some other) resource to create an ongoing context for intentional discipleship of your youth (see post from last Age of Opportunity meeting).

In doing so, I would recommend you start with a relational time of just enjoying being together and talking about whatever comes to mind: sports, current events, life in general, etc.  Then I would transition to this study, having had the youth answer the questions in advance.  I would also want to make sure I drew them out about current challenges or temptations they are facing – prioritizing their care over the coverage of the content of the pamphlet.  A resource like this can be a wonderful spring-board into more substantive fellowship together.

So here are the questions for chapter 2:

1. What does Mr. Ryle say is the first special danger facing young men?  What are some reasons why he is so concerned about this danger?
2. How does pride in a young man express itself toward an older person or parents?
3. Write out two verses mentioned about how Jesus displayed humility.
4. What is the second danger facing young men?  What aspects of youth tempt a young man to be given to pleasure?
5. What does 1 Pet. 2:11 say lusts of our flesh will do (quoted by Mr. Ryle)?  What do you think that means?
6. What is the third danger?  What will happen if young men don’t reflect on the end of their present course and ways?
7. What do many young men say when they run into sin, and why do they say it?
8. What is the fourth danger Mr. Ryle mentions?  What does it mean to have contempt for religion?
9. What does the author state he is “… never surprised to hear…”?
10. What is the fifth danger facing young men?  What does Proverbs 29:25 say about this danger?
11. Mr. Ryle tells us to “consider how unreasonable the fear of man is.”  Share one way why it is unreasonable.
12. What has affected you the most from this chapter?  What would you like my help in applying to your own life?

Christmas Recommendation

My friend Steve Whitacre, who pastors the parent-youth ministry at our related church in Fairfax, Virginia, wrote the following.  Consider these helpful thoughts and, more importantly, consider this vital resource for your youth!  Steve writes:

I’m not the first person to suggest 10 reasons why the ESV Study Bible is great, but I want to give you 10 reasons that I think it’s great for teenagers.  In fact, I think it’s so great, that it deserves the top spot on every teenager’s Christmas List!

Here’s why:

10. Teenagers need durability. This may not mean much to you, but a sewn binding (not glued!) means your ESV-SB should last a long time.  And all Bible paper is thin, but this Bible paper should be thick enough to write notes on John 3 without reading your notes backwards on John 4.  Plus several durable formats.

9. Teenagers need good stuff online. Buy the ESV-SB and you’ll find a code inside that gets you THE ENTIRE study Bible online: notes, maps, charts, everything.  Fully searchable.  Highlight a text and write your own note in the margin; save it and come back to it later! Check out the sample…

8. Teenagers need simplicity. With the ESV-SB, you’ve got thousands of invaluable study aids in one place: notes, maps, diagrams, outlines.  It’s like holding an entire reference library in one book.

7. Teenagers need big pictures. And maps.  And charts.  The ESV-SB pictures, maps, and charts are outstanding.  And they are big!  Unlike some other study Bibles, you won’t have to squint to find Jerusalem on these maps.

6. Teenagers need the big picture. You can’t interpret a verse of the Bible rightly without understanding who wrote it, who it was written to, and why.  These introductions give you the background you need.  You can learn about Psalms, Isaiah, Luke, Revelation, and more!

5. Teenagers need teaching. Part of our challenge reading the Bible is bridging the gaps created between us and the original setting by time, distance, culture, and so on.  Every page is loaded with invaluable notes explaining what the Bible actually means, which will help you understand how God is calling you to live for him.

4. Teenagers need to be taught. And it’s best if they’re taught by the best.  The study notes and articles are written by world class scholars, pastors, and Christian leaders.  Some of the names you’ll recognize (John Piper, Wayne Grudem, J.I. Packer, etc.) some you may not (Thomas Schreiner, Ian Duguid, Andreas Kostenberger, etc.), but this is a Dream Team of Biblical scholarship.

3. Teenagers need to learn. The ESV-SB includes hundreds of pages of valuable articles to help you understand how to read your Bible, and how to live in a way that glorifies God.  For instance, you can learn about Reading The Bible.

2. Teenagers need to read their Bibles. The best English translation available has been handed to us in a great one-column book-style text in a reasonably large font is easy on sleepy eyes.  Plus enough margin for notes.  Tolle lege!

1. Teenagers need to know God through Jesus Christ. There is not another single item that you could put on your Christmas list that will better help you know God and grow in your love for Jesus Christ.

Remember:

The law of the Lord is perfect,
reviving the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure,
making wise the simple;
the precepts of the Lord are right,
rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the Lord is pure,
enlightening the eyes;
the fear of the Lord is clean,
enduring forever;
the rules of the Lord are true,
and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold,
even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey
and drippings of the honeycomb.
Moreover, by them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
Psalm 119:7-11 (ESV)