Thursday Thought for Parents (11.27)

As I promised last week, I’m going to start putting up here on the blog an adaptation of a study guide for Thoughts for Young Men by JC Ryle (which would apply equally well to young woman!).  The study guide that I’m adapting was written by Bob Hoover for his son and initially used when his son was 12 years old.  I would encourage you to consider using this resource to do what we talked about in our Age of Opportunity meeting last Saturday; create an ongoing context for intentional discipleship of your youth (see post from last Tuesday).

In doing so, I would start with a relational time of just enjoying being together and talking about whatever comes to mind: sports, current events, life in general, etc.  Then I would transition to this study, having had the youth answer the questions in advance.  Having them do so would allow me to selectively drop into certain issues that I wanted to help them apply in a particular way.  I would also want to make sure I drew them out about current challenges or temptations they are facing – prioritizing their care over the coverage of the content of the pamphlet.  Resources like this can be a wonderful spring-board into more substantive fellowship; that’s how I would think about it personally.

So, here goes… I hope this is helpful!

PREFACE

1. What scripture verse does Mr. Ryle use as the purpose for writing this book?  (Write out scripture and reference.)
2. What does this verse exhort young men to be?  What do you think that means?  How might that apply to your life right now?
3. Though growing old as he wrote this, what time period does Mr. Ryle remember so well?  What does he remember about it?
4. What would you like to look back on and remember for this time of your life?

CHAPTER 1

1. What is the first reason Mr. Ryle gives for exhorting young men?  What does he say about these ‘few young men’?
2. What is the second reason the author gives for exhorting young men?
3. When do most young people plan on thinking about preparing for death and judgment?  Based on Prov. 27.1, what mistake are young people making when they think this way?
4. What is the third reason for exhorting young men?
5. How is a young man deceived when thinking about serving God at the end of his life?  How is God mocked by this deceptive reasoning?
6. What does Mr. Ryle mean by the force of habit?  What is meant by ‘habit is the nurse of sin’?
7. What is the fourth reason for exhorting young men?
8. What are some of the devil’s tactics to snare young men and make them his servant?
9. What exhortation does Mr. Ryle repeat at the end of numerous paragraphs that a young man must take to heart (pp. 14-15)?  What does he mean by this?
10. What is the fifth exhortation by the author?  What are some of the sins of one’s youth that he mentions?
11. What are the three ‘bitter cups’ that Mr. Ryle mentions that old men ‘drink’ in the latter hours of their life?  How does that affect you in reading about those?
12. What has affected you the most from this chapter?  How you would like my help in applying that point to your life?

Age of Opportunity Recap (11.22)

It was a real joy to be with so many parents last Saturday night!  Thanks for coming to be further equipped for this holy task of parenting.  I thought it would be helpful to post a little recap of what we covered.

Why this message?

• We talked about gleaning a discipleship mentality for the teen years – one that goes beyond merely having family devotions (as helpful as that practice is), that we might intentionally seek to discipline our youth.  This is needed because what we do in our parent-youth meetings, while hopefully helpful, is ultimately insufficient.  God wants to use us as parents in a primary way for the discipleship of our youth.
• We discussed how our practices can and will vary, but that we must have practices for our priorities. For example :
  • for the priority of our relationship with the Lord we have practices like having a quiet time, a regular devotional time in which we are reading and meditating on God’s Word and communing with God through prayer
  • for the priority of our relationship with our spouse we will often have practices like a regular date night, to pursue ongoing fellowship and romance within the context of marriage (that’s a practice I would highly recommend)
  • for the priority of our relationship with our teens then, the question to consider is:  What is (or will be) your structure for ongoing discipleship of your youth/teens?

Points from Kenneth’s practice

• HOW – They meet weekly for about two hours; there is not always an assignment, but they have gone through different books.
• PURPOSE – to be the primary influence in their lives, to encourage them to love God and please Him in community
• TOPICS HE COVERS:
  • relationship (monitoring relationships with peers: “Have you had any conversations that you know I would want to be aware of? Anything with questionable attitudes or content?”)
  • devotional life (What are they doing?  Help them to be growing in knowledge of and affection for God.)
  • observations or concerns for me related to mom or home
• HAVING A CONVICTION – Our practice must proceed from our convictions, and convictions are derived from Scripture (e.g. Eph 6.4, Prov 23.26).

RESOURCE:   Here is a link to the questions Kenneth has prepared for use in ongoing discipleship of youth.

Thanks again for pursuing the discipleship of your youth!

Thursday Thought for Parents (11.20)

As I promised at our last six14 meeting, I am going to begin putting up weekly installments of a study guide through the booklet Thoughts for Young Men.  We gave this resource out as a gift last Fathers’ Day, and I would encourage you to take any teenaged sons or daughters through it.  (I think it will serve as “Thoughts for Young Women” equally well!)  This week, I want to introduce this booklet and the study guide.

The booklet was written by J.C. Ryle (1816-1900), who is sometimes referred to as “Bishop Ryle” since he was named Bishop of Liverpool for the Anglican church in 1880.  He was thoroughly biblical and evangelical, and he writes with wonderful clarify and spiritual vitality.  I would encourage you to read his book Holiness; chapter one on sin is alone worth the price of the book!  The back of my copy of Thoughts for Young Men notes that Ryle was 71 when he last revised this pamphlet, and “as a husband of five (including three sons), pastor, and the first Bishop of Liverpool, he was no doubt qualified to address young men.”  So I commend this little pamphlet to you.  It’s an opportunity to introduce your youth to an effective surgeon of the soul from another century, which can serve us greatly!

He also had one serious beard.

Should you chose to utilize this resource to serve the soul of your son or daughter, I want to provide a study guide that will serve you.  Bob Hoover, a member (and former pastor) of Covenant Life Church, created a study guide for his son Bryce that I intend to adapt for our purposes.  Commenting on this study guide, Bob writes:  “I designed it for a 12 year old in terms of asking questions that would require answers to be found directly from the book and not left to Bryce’s opinion.  …I wanted Bryce to be immersed in the book and to be engaged with the material in both an in depth and comprehensive manner.  …It took him about six weeks – the target goal we set.  I can see us going through this book again in the days ahead.”

Next week I’ll begin adapting Bob’s study guide to provide you with an aide for taking your son or daughter through this resource.  I commend it to you and hope you’ll consider utilizing it in the weeks ahead with your youth.  Grateful for you and for grace!!

Tab

Thursday Thought for Parents (11.13)

Since we have finished with Instructing a Child’s Heart, this week I wanted to post a thought that is more like an advertisement.  I would like to advertise the upcoming Age of Opportunity meeting we will have on Saturday, November 22nd (7:30 p.m. at Plank).

We will be visited by my good friend Kenneth Maresco (via recording – but we can pretend that he’s there in person!).  In this recording, Kenneth models for us a discipleship time with his three older sons.  That modeling time is followed by CJ Mahaney interviewing Kenneth about why he does what he does in discipling his sons in this way. I think you’ll find both the example and the interview very helpful and instructive.

I mention this because I want to urge all parents to attend this time if they are able to do so. If have you teens, this is a time to glean from a very effective parent in a way you won’t want to miss.  In particular, what I hope you’ll glean is the discipleship mentality that we need in the teen years.  It’s a mindset that goes beyond merely having a family devotional time on a regular basis.  Instead, it involves thinking more strategically about contexts in which we can build relationship with our teen, draw them about out the issues of their lives (and their hearts), and instruct them biblically related to those issues.

If you don’t yet have teens, I want to urge you to consider attending as well – for two reasons: First, because you’ll want to know now what to think about for then.  In other words, catch a vision now for where you’ll want to go in your parenting when your children are in the teen years.  And you want do that, secondly, because you can begin laying foundations in your parenting now for that season.

For instance, I am seeking to take my son Ryan (who is 6 years old) out regularly for what we call ‘boys’ time.’  At this point, it’s largely relational-building, but we also do some talking about how he’s doing and whether he has any thoughts for how daddy can be a better daddy.  So far, his main thought has been that I remember to give him a goodnight kiss every night.  Apparently, some nights I was forgetting to do so and didn’t realize this!  So, we’re mainly sowing relationally right now, but I’m seeking to lay foundations for the future – in particular that I might have his heart (Prov. 23.26).

All this to say, here’s a context that you can benefit from in whatever season of parenting you find yourself.  Thanks for considering this opportunity to be further equipped in this holy task of parenting!

Grateful for you,

Tab

December Growth Group

The next Growth Group meeting (for participating high-schoolers and their parents) will be Saturday, Dec. 6 at 8 a.m.  Here’s the assignment for that meeting:

• re-read Ch. 4 in Bible Doctrine by Wayne Grudem
• read Ch. 3 in Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald Whitney
• set Bible intake goals in conjunction with your parents and come ready to share those

Parents, Teens, and the Election

My friend, Steve Whitacre, who leads the parent-youth ministry at our related church in Fairfax, Virginia, wrote the following thoughts to parents to help them talk with their teens about the election.  I thought you might appreciate them:

Parents, I want to urge you to talk to your kids about the election, to equip them to think and speak biblically about the politics of our nation.  Here are some key concepts and verses that you may want to review with them

1. God commands us to be careful how we speak (including about our leaders).
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)

2. God calls us to submit to our leaders.
“Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.” (Romans 13:1-7; also: Titus 3:1-2; 1 Peter 2:13-17)

3. God wants us to pray for our leaders.
“First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” (1 Timothy 2:1-4)

4. God rules over our leaders.
“The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; he turns it wherever he will” (Proverbs 21:1)
“…the Most High rules the kingdom of men and gives it to whom he will.” (Daniel 4:25)

What other verses have been helpful in talking to your teens about politics?

Thursday Thought for Parents (11.6)

Here’s our last chapter in Instructing a Child’s Heart; I hope you have enjoyed this journey through this book as much as I have!  We covered this chapter previously, but given its content (the centrality of the gospel) it’s certainly worth covering again.

The Tripps describe the necessity of the gospel for our parenting as they write, “In all our nurturing as parents the gospel must be central.  It is the only hope for forgiveness.  It is the only hope for deep internal change.  It is the only hope for power to live.  The grace of the gospel is the center of everything for Christian parents.”
It might be helpful to first ask, “Do we believe that?”  Do we believe that the gospel is the ONLY hope for internal change, and the ONLY hope for power to live?  Do we really believe that the grace of the gospel is THE CENTER of everything for Christian parents?  I emphasize that because it’s so easy for me to drift from that center.  And it’s so easy for me to forget that herein lies the only hope for change and the power to live lives to the glory of God.  Simply put, we must keep this gospel-centrality before us on a daily basis.

The question then becomes, “How do we do that?”  How do we keep this message before our youth and before ourselves in this way?  The answer lies at the heart of this book – it’s in instructing our children that we keep this message central.  That’s the crucial point.  Our children need to see its effect in our lives, and they need to hear of its effect for their lives on a regular basis.  Let me suggest that you teach your youth or children at least three elements of the difference the gospel makes for us:

• PAYMENT – At the heart of the cross is Christ making a payment for our sins.  Our sins demand a response from a holy God, and that response is his holy, justified wrath. Our children need to know this.  They need to know that, left to themselves, they stand under God’s wrath and liable to hell.  But the Savior bore that penalty in full, making full payment for our sins for everyone who will believe.  You can teach this from Isa. 53.5, Rom 3.21-26, Gal 3.13, and other passages

• PERFECTION –Aanother element our children/youth need to regularly hear is the fact that Jesus didn’t only die in our place (though that is amazing and wonderful), but he also lived in our place.  He lived a perfect life, fulfilling God’s law in our place, and we are now credited with his perfect righteousness by faith alone.  Therefore, in all the ways that they fail to obey, Another has obeyed perfectly in their place.  This gives great hope to sinners like me!  You can teach them of God’s justifying grace from:  Gal 2.16, Rom 3.21-26, 2 Cor 5.21, and many other places (such that 1 John 1.9 promises to us forgiveness and cleansing!).

• POWER – Not only did Jesus obey in our place and die in our place, but he is now a great high priest eager to help and empower those who come to God through him.  I have found this truth to give real hope to my children on a regular basis.  We must call our children/youth to repent many times.  We must confront their sin and correct them with Scripture.  But we must do so providing the hope of God’s power, so that we are not merely saying to them, “Just do it.”  No, there is a Savior who wants to help them right now!  You can teach them this from the book of Hebrews especially, like:  Heb 2.18 and Heb 4.14-16.

Thank you for being parents who are committed to keeping the gospel central in your parenting, and in all that we do!  I thank God for you!

Tab

Understanding the Promise

As we discussed in our most recent six14 meeting, there is a great promise associated with the command to honor and obey in Ephesians 6:1-3. It’s a promise first recorded in Deuteronomy 5:17 (which is reiterating Exodus 20:12) that it will go well for our children and they will live long in the land as they honor and obey us. The apostle Paul, under the inspiration of the Spirit, quotes Deut. 5 in Ephesians 6 and, in that sense, applies this promise to our own children today.

The question then is: how should we take this promise? Are our children really guaranteed long life physically as they honor us? And how should we think about the “land” part of this promise? These are somewhat complicated biblical theological questions but here are a few brief things we can say about this promise:

• Honoring us may very well contribute to a longer physical life, in God’s economy and under his rule, since our children will be protected from many things, including many dangerous activities, which could shorten their lives.

• The promise that it will “go well for them” comes to pass in many practical ways as they honor us, like gaining wisdom, learning life skills, etc. And that fact should certainly be celebrated by both parents and youth.

• But, most importantly, promises like this in the Old Testament are often like shadows of far greater realities that we enjoy in Christ. For instance, the “promised land” for the Israelites foreshadows the eternal, heavenly “promised land” that we look forward to because of our Savior’s finished work. And we often enjoy those tastes of those greater realities now in our spiritual lives – like: knowing and enjoying God himself here in this life, as we await that heavenly fulfillment.

To sum up, I think John Stott puts it well when he writes: “The promise [in Deut. 5] concerned material prosperity [that it may be well with you] and long life [that you may live long]. During the time of the theocracy, when Israel was both a nation and a church over while God ruled, his covenant blessings were closely tied to the promised land, and to safety, health and good harvests in it. But now times have changed, and God’s dealings with his people have also changed. …God’s covenant people are now an international community, and his blessings are largely spiritual in Christ” (The Message of Ephesians, p. 241).

I hope these musings are helpful. I post them here merely to encourage us to all teach this promise to our children. It’s not a means of meriting eternal life, but it is a hope-filled promise for how God wants to use parents to bless and help children spiritually-speaking, to the end that they ultimately do live long (indeed, forever!) in a land purchased for us and promised to us through the cross of Jesus Christ!

Grateful for grace and for you,

Tab

six14 recap (11.1)

It was great to be with you last Saturday for our six14 parent-youth meeting!  I hope you were helped by our topic of honoring parents through biblical honesty.  Since we don’t record these meetings, I am putting up my manuscript in case it’s of help to you; click here.

Also, you can click on the files below to access the hand-outs for parents:

• questions for parents for pursuing your youth

• letter to a parent of youth about teens and privacy

Also, I would highly recommend the message by Kenneth Maresco referenced at the end of the document with the questions for parents. The message is entitled Facebook – Blessing or Curse? Teens and Technology (March 1, 2008).  Here’s the gist of it:  “Today everything has changed technologically, but nothing has changed about the human heart and our need for a Savior.”  You can access that message from this link.

Lastly, here are the discussion questions and the parental fellowship points that we provided on Saturday night:

DISCUSS – with your discussion group

1. How were you encouraged about the way God wants to bless you through your parents?
2. How was your understanding of what it means to honor your parents changed or affected by this message? (Be specific.)
3. How were you challenged or convicted about ways you haven’t been honoring your parents?  Do you see ways that you have bought the ‘it’s my life’ lie?  If so, how?
4. How does the gospel give you hope and help for this area of your life?  To what degree are you trusting in the hope and help of Jesus right now?  (Please explain.)

APPLY – in fellowship with your parent(s)

• The Encouragement Point (for parents to ask):  As your parent, the areas where I’m most encouraged about your honoring of me are… (Be as specific as you can.)
• The Application Point (for parents to ask): Is there anything that I don’t know about that I should know about?  How can I make it easier for you to talk with me about your heart and life? Let’s talk about how I can help you further…
• The Input Point (for youth to ask):  As my parent, what is the main way you’d like to see me grow in honoring you?   What observations and help would you have for me?

It’s a real joy to walk with you in this holy task of parenting!

Tab

Tedd Tripp Audio & Video

Tedd Tripp spoke at a recent parenting conference at Mars Hill in Seattle.  Justin Taylor provides links to the video and audio for each of five sessions:

• The Call to Formative Instruction
• Giving Kids a Vision for God’s Glory
• Helping Kids Understand Authority
• Helping Kids Understand the Heart
• Overview of Corrective Discipline