six14 this Saturday!

Hi all!  I’m looking forward to being with you at our next six14 parent-youth meeting tomorrow night.  As a reminder, pizza will be served at 5:30 p.m. and our meeting with officially begin at… of course, 6:14!

We’re going to be continuing our series called “My Parents”.  Last time we talked about parental authority; in this meeting we’re going to discuss what it means to honor one’s parents (per Ephesians 6.1-3).  We’ll also enjoy a new game courtesy of Emily Mertens, Discussion Groups, and games in the gym.

Thanks for your participation in our parent-youth ministry; it’s really a joy to have these times with you!

Thursday Thought for Parents (10.30)

Sometimes I want to eavesdrop on conversations between effective parents and their children.  Not that I would really eavesdrop on them; I just want to be the proverbial fly on the wall in their home to learn from them.  Can’t you relate to that desire?  Thankfully in chapter 13 of Instructing a Child’s Heart we get to do that very thing.  In this chapter (entitled “Corrective Discipline – Applying the Sowing and Reaping Principle of Scripture”) we get to listen in and two very helpful principles emerge from the Tripp family as we do.

First, we learn to “Identify with your child in the struggle to resist sowing to the flesh” (160).  The Tripps remind us here not to commiserate with our children, but acknowledge our own sinfulness and dependence on the Savior.  We too are sinners who are very familiar with our own sin and sinfulness.  That means we have every reason to come alongside our children to help them with care and compassion.

And in doing so, we are emulating the Savior.  The Tripps highlight Hebrews 2, verses 14 through 18, which dwell on the Savior’s taking on flesh and blood, becoming incarnate that he might become our “merciful and faithful high priest.”  The payoff of this great truth is found in verse 18, “Because he (Jesus) himself suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”  This is a very important truth to teach our children and youth.  Jesus is a high priest who provides a very present help for sinners like me!

This is the example we portray as we identify with our children in the struggle against sin:  “Christ ‘came alongside’ us in his life, death and resurrection… When parents show children the way, they are deeply impressed with Christ’s ability to sympathize with their weakness and give real help” (162).  Let us be parents who come alongside our children in humility, that they might behold the Savior who came alongside us in his humility!

Second, as we listen in on the Tripps we learn to “Identify for them what It means to sow to the Spirit” (162).  Here they teach us how to lean on our formative instruction (those things we have previously taught our children from God’s word about God, the Savior and themselves) in our times of corrective instruction.  Specifically, having taught them when they are not tempted about the sowing and reaping principle found in God’s word, we now help them with that principle when they are tempted (or after they have sinned).

I just want to highlight how they went about doing that; they do so in the form of a dialogue, not a monologue.  They note, “One of the most destructive aspects of ungodly discipline and correction is the lack of godly dialogue… Monologue is not godly communication.  Long speeches that try to strong-arm our children with arguments, threats, warnings, and predictions will not change their hearts.  It will harden their hearts.  All of our conversation with our children should afford them an opportunity to respond – not as peers, but as children interacting with the direction and instruction of parents” (165).

Very helpful (and biblical) advice – I’m so glad we could eavesdrop in this way!

With you in this holy task,

Tab

Thursday Friday Thought for Parents (10.24)

I’m up to chapter twelve in Instructing a Child’s Heart (the chapter entitled:  “Getting from Behavior to the Heart”), and what a helpful and instructive chapter it is!  The Tripps sum up the importance of getting to the heart from the outset when they write:  “We are tempted to focus on the behavior that requires correction, rather than the heart issues that are the source of bad behavior” (147).  Isn’t that true!  There seems to be a gravitational pull in my parenting always pulling me away from addressing the heart and towards addressing mere behavior alone.  We certainly must address behavior, but I seem to drift incessantly away from the source – the heart.

I trust you can relate to me to some degree, so let’s benefit afresh from their “Behaviorism Evaluated” section.  As they point out, behaviorism is when we deal with a child’s behavior but not the source, not the heart.  We might be temped to think or say “don’t knock it, it works” (148), but the Tripps lay out the case against the behaviorism very powerfully in the following points (149-150):

• Behaviorism does not address the real need of our children: Since “out of the overflow of the heart” our mouths speak (Luke 6.45), addressing behavior without addressing the heart is like “trying to solve the problem of weeds in the yard by using a lawn mower.”  In other words, it really won’t work; it won’t produce lasting change.

• Behaviorism provides our children with a false basis for ethics: The ethical basis for behaviorism is merely pragmatic; the biblical basis is “the being, existence, and glory of God.”

• Behaviorism trains the heart in wrong paths: “[W]hatever is used to constrain the behavior trains the hearts of our children.  When a child is manipulated through shame, he learns to response to shame.”

• Behaviorism obscures the message of the gospel: We will inevitably fail to lead our children to the solution to the source of their bad behavior – the hope and help of the gospel!  They need to see that they need a Savior, not just for forgiveness (which is huge), but also for the power for real change.

• Behaviorism shows the parent’s idols: Our own motivations are getting revealed if we are merely concerned about a change in outward behavior versus real and lasting change in our children that comes from within.

For all those reasons, let us seek to resist the gravitational pull towards addressing mere behavior and make sure we get to the heart.  To do that, the Tripps remind us to ask good questions (like those on pp. 152-153).  Questions keep us, they note, from making accusations and lead our children into making self-assessments.  Asking good questions is certainly a skill that is developed over time, but one we can and should develop.  If this is difficult for you, ask a parent who does this well what they do.  You can also post a comment here if you have a follow-up question or comment; I’d love to hear from you or help you in any way that I can.

So grateful that we get to pursue this holy task together – getting to the hearts of our children with the help of our friends in the context of the local church!

Grateful for you – Tab

Water Baptisms

Parents, I want to make sure you are aware of our upcoming water baptisms, which will take place on the evening of Sunday, November 16.  Baptism is a significant event that does not add to our salvation in any way whatsoever, but it wonderfully testifies to our experience of salvation in Christ.  It is something we do in obedience to the Savior (Acts 2.38), in public identification with the Savior (Mt. 28 19), and in depiction of what the Savior has done for us (Romans 6.1-4).  It essentially celebrates the grace of God in a believer’s life, and we want to equip you for the process of determining if and when your youth should be considered for baptism.

You can download our baptism guide for youth, but here’s the gist of what we ask you to do in that guide (it’s basically just covering a few resources to make sure your youth clearly believes the gospel and clearly understands the significance of baptism):

Have you reviewed these baptism discipleship resources with a parent?

• Living the Cross-Centered Life by C.J. Mahaney
• Preparing Young People for Baptism booklet by David Michael
• “Baptism” chapter from Wayne Grudem’s book, Bible Doctrine

(All of these resources are available at the resource center on Sunday mornings.)

• When were you born again?
• Have you been baptized with water before? If so, when?
• Why do you desire to be baptized?

Please attach a one-page written testimony about your conversion.  (Please include significant people, experiences, or events that influenced you as you came to know Jesus. Also, please include a brief explanation of what you understand “the gospel” to be, and how it applies to you.)

Please let me know if you have a youth in your home that would have interest in baptism, that we might discuss that prior to November 16.  So grateful for you and the grace of God in your children!

Tab

Thursday Thought for Parents (10.16)

I’m not aware of any other parenting resource that has a chapter devoted to the local church and its importance as it relates to our family life.  I’m thankful that the Tripps included this entire chapter (Chapter 11:  “The Importance of the Church”) in their book Instructing a Child’s Heart!

They make many very excellent points in this chapter, like:

• the church is God’s family
• the church is an extension of our family
• the church supports our Christian worldview
• the church teaches and supports these family activities
• the church is our spiritual shelter

They have reminder after reminder of how very important the local church is for all of life, including our family life and parenting.  And all those reminders build towards the section entitled “The Church has Implications for Your Family.”  Probably the take-away point is found in the last full paragraph on p. 143:

… parents shape how their children think about church life.  Magnify the beauty of the corporate life of your church.  It is an essential element of Christian culture.  If attendance to church and its activities are a burdensome obligation that competes with other more desirable pastimes, children will live for the day they can opt out of attendance.  All of the optional activities of life, learning skills, sports, employment, entertainment and even education must be scheduled around the church.  Otherwise, it will be one among many of the life options for your children – note the deciding factor in prioritizing life.

That’s very well said, and there are so many examples of that sort of thinking and living in our midst!  Maybe the application for us is in the sentence above:  “Magnify the beauty of the corporate life of your church.”  As we love it and extol the benefits and blessings that come to us from God through his people, our children will learn to love the local church as well.  Some questions you could ask for your children’s evaluation would be:  How important would you say the local church is to us?  What do you see us building our lives around?  Do you see us building our lives around the church or some other priorities?

Thank you for being a people who build your lives around the priorities of God in and through the local church!  I’m so very grateful to “magnify the beauty of (our) corporate life” together with you!!

Tab

Next Growth Group

The next Growth Group meeting (for participating high-schoolers and their parents) will be Saturday, Nov. 1 at 8 a.m.  Here’s the assignment for that meeting:

• read Ch. 4 in Bible Doctrine by Wayne Grudem
• read Ch. 2 in Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald Whitney
• memorize 2 Timothy 3:17 (and be able to say both verses 16 & 17)

Comments

Going forward, comments will be open but moderated on the six14 blog.  If you have questions about anything related to six14, feel free to leave it in the comments.  We’ll review, reply to, and publish the comments regularly (though not instantly).  Hopefully, this will make this forum more useful to us all!

Thursday Thought for Parents (10.2)

You certainly have to feel for those attempting to portray profound spiritual truths through simple diagrams!  It’s not an easy thing to do, though the Tripps make an admirable attempt in chapter 10 of Instructing a Child’s Heart. They have very helpful diagrams, but I’m not sure they’re going be as effective coming from me!  I admit that I’m no artist, so let me take a shot at relating some similar truths in a different way.

After our first six14 meeting on the topic of gospel-centered discipleship, one of the middle school youth in our discussion group posed a truly profound question.  He asked, “How can I apply the gospel for obeying and honoring my mom and dad?”  What a great question!  And certainly this chapter (“Complete in Christ”) speaks very helpfully to that issue, but here’s my attempt to succinctly answer this question.

Applying the gospel (as part of our gospel-centered discipleship) involves showing our children/youth the following on a regular basis:

• Payment for sin in Christ – Children and youth must know and understand that the cross of Jesus Christ was fundamentally a payment of the horrific punishment required by our sinfulness.  We looked at Ephesians 1.7 briefly in our last corporate meeting, which says that “in him [Christ], we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses.”  If they repent and believe savingly, this wonderful payment is theirs in Christ!  And this truth gives great hope to sinners like me; we don’t stand condemned before God because we are forgiven in Christ.

• Provision of righteousness in Christ – Often less familiar for our children and youth is the fact that not only has Jesus died in their place, but he has also obeyed in their place.  This is the glory of justification – being declared righteous by God with the righteousness of Jesus Christ – through faith alone!  The Tripps quote 2 Cor. 5.21, which says that “for our sake he [God] made him [Jesus] to be sin who knew no sin so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”  Justification says, “You are not just forgiven, but you also stand righteous before God because the holy demands of his law have been satisfied in your place, and that righteousness has been credited to you through faith alone!”  We all need to hear this great truth on a regular basis:  Jesus didn’t just die in your place; he obeyed in your place.

• Power available for us in Christ – Not only are we forgiven and declared righteousness, but there is now power from on high to live differently!  I think one of the most helpful verses I’ve taught my children is Hebrews 2.18, “Because he [Jesus] himself suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”  We’ve spoken many times about the ability of Jesus to help them, because I don’t want them to think of the Savior as a mere passport to heaven.  He is a living and powerful Savior right now, for us, in the midst of our every weakness and temptation (see Heb. 4.14-16 as well).  We highlighted this reality in our last meeting as well from Eph 5.18.  It commands us to be “filled with the Spirit” in an ongoing way, and promises results that include “submitting to one another” (vs. 21).  It’s that submission that Paul is explaining when he discusses children obeying their parents in Eph. 6.  In other words, the power of the Spirit is available to all who repent and believe in the Savior, that they might now live for the Savior – including in the context of their relationship with parents.

I don’t have the ability to work with diagrams like the Tripps do, but their point is a truly excellent one.  Let’s teach our children how to apply the gospel such that they see that they are ‘complete in Christ’!

Grateful for you,

Tab

Two Announcements

1.

For the Corn Maze for Sunday, October 12th we are moving the arrival time to 2 p.m. For directions to Keller’s Farmstand in Oswego, click here.  This is just a fun, relational-building time together so please feel no obligation to join us.  But if you’re able to come please do so, as this event tends to be an annual favorite for many!  The cost is $8 per person.  When you arrive, please look for J.D. or Kenny Wahrman; they will be collecting money and creating a list of all of us who are there.  Then we will divide up into teams and let the competition begin!  Afterwards, I’m told there is pizza to purchase and an eating area in which to hang out and be together until 5 p.m. (when the farm closes).

2.

For our Age of Opportunity meeting this Saturday (7:30 p.m. – Plank Jr. High), I wanted you to be aware that the topic couldn’t be more important:  a teen’s relationship with God.  We’ll listen to Grant Layman’s message on the topic, interact about it together, and then care for and support one another through discussion related to it.  Again, there is certainly no obligation to attend but I hope that this context (like the others in our parent-youth ministry) serves you.

Grateful to be joined with you in this holy task of parenting!

Tab